Stupid or hope

I had insomia again, how nice is that...for the whole night, rolling back and forward on the bed only...I wonder if I even slept...my whole body feels like I have been hit by a truck or something... I am angry...I don't even know of what...maybe I am dissapointed more than I am angry... I aspected friends to be honest and treat me as a friend instead I feel like a white rat in the lab being observed by the one who is suppose to be my friend... even through facebook, I can feel it, the uncomfortable feeling that I get just from words...

Sometimes I don't know this is a gift or a curse...I get to talk to ppl like I know them for long time already even if this is just my first time meeting them....I can get ppl to tell secrets, I can know more about a person in a month more than other ppl can in a year but unfortunately I can also sence hatred towards me even by words or just a simple micro expression...sometimes even when I don't want to...sometimes, I can tell...what ppl feels about me...even when I don't want to know...is those ppl who is really that bad in covering up emotion or it's just me being a freak.... I only hope for honesty and I think that is just too much to ask from a friend... Is it really stupid to want honesty? Or people are supposed to have hope for at least something? I only wish that ppl can see the good in me but it turns out to be fake? How on earth does that happened... unbelievable...