Down

The internet went diconnected....again!!! So frustrating when this happen!!!

My two little brothers!!! sigh...
I was looking forward to post a lot but I am just too down for that... I call my brother today and found out that he is working?!?!? wat is wrong with him! I dnt think i can ever understand it, he is like living in a world of stuff, always want to buy stuff...nid money for this and that. Even for tuition, he also spend more... sigh...I am so tired of being the one who needs to look after them and trying to understand them...just so....tired... I really wanted to have a life of my own, I want a life that have priorities of my own... (this might sound selfish but I am just thinking bout it, as if I can really not worried bout them..lol) I worried but i NEVER once said it out loud... I dnt want them to worried bout me so eventually they dnt knw ANYTHING bout me, I love them, and I know they love me...but..this will just not do, I can't watch over every step that they are taking to protect them...I have to let him fall even if this might hurt...

well...sometimes I envy the people who will get homesick, at least in this way, they will know they have a place that can let them breath and stop as shelter...but for me...home is just a name, I stop seeing it more than that since i dnt knw when... I envy people who hates their faher because at least there is something there, something to be hate about...it's better than mine, I wish that I could feel something for him but...not even hate...no nothing...it's like two passing by strangers...I really do envy them...

I don't tell much to people about my family because there is nothing there to tell, they are human, and they don't know anything about me because I don't tak about it, I don't tell them anything...I tried before but..to them...I am just weird.. I can't accept someone that can't accept me... I never wanted to go home whenever I don't have to...when I do, it's usually because I don't have a place to sleep, no sympathy is needed because I don't feel like having a real family will make a different anyway...I might always have a smile on my face but am I really happy. I might seems to be eager to talk to other ppl but... am I really that eager? Sometimes it turns out that even I don't know how I feel...but one things for sure...this blogging things really do help...a lot...it keeps me sane...

Yesterday I also met someone which it's kind of funny actually... we were at the same primary school and secondary school but we never talk b4. I was at the cafeteria and I asked if we know each other then we started talking...then we realized that we actually have a lot of friends in common... he's a nice guy...funny from time to time, haha...hope that we can be good friends too... May tomorrow I can be even more independent...^^