Got shot~

Suddenly everything feels weird like I just got shot somewhere having my blood dripping out from me without knowing where and when I got shot~

I finally remember why I will like the feel of clubbing because it's just simple reason to have fun and stop thinking~^^ Why is that a bad thing anyway~ At least I get a time and place to relax and go blank~ maybe this is the one way I find to lost that sad me because realizing the things that I will never have~

I always use sometimes but come and think of it~ my sometimes don't know since when became most of the time~ I can wait patiently and act like nothing happened but then sometimes things will just go too quiet until you are not even sure if anything had ever happened~

Am I creating something that wasn't there at the first place? Or I am just naive to think that there is an incident at all? I don't want to stop believing in feelings and things like this but do I really have a choice? Am I dying from the inside? I already can feel that my hear beat is going missing~ Maybe I got shot there and maybe it just don't want to recover~

happy~^^

I finally gets to spend time with her :-) I am so happy about it~ :-D I am just happy whenever she is around~ I feel so comfortable ;-)

I wonder if she notice that I care a lot about her and she is important to me~ :-S I sure hope she does~

I wonder what she is thinking, facing, feeling all the time, especially about me, I really wish to know, but I don't want to know as well, because I scare that later the result will be a disaster~ If she wanted to remain this way~ I won't disgrace it as well~ :-D

As long as she is happy, I just let her do what she wants then ;-)

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Why? mood swing?

Lately been having mood swing and I am happy still, just keep on having those moment where I feel like I am stuck in the middle of nowhere~

Today was tired and long because I didn't sleep well yesterday and was having whole day of class~ However it was still ok~ then later at night even have pool~  A friend came back~ She told me through text that she was back here in kampar and I was so happy about it~^^ I really miss her a lot~!!! but then something hit me~ =(

I don't really know how to react when I see her I guess~ she told me that she was facing some problem of her own but then at that very moment~ I was thinking that why won't she talk to me about it~ She is always keeping everything with herself, I really wish if there is somehow a way for me to be closer with her~ but then~ it seems impossible for her to let me in =(

I really like her but I guess without this mutual feeling~ there will always be a gap~ I am really thinking to just like her in silence~ and even when I imagine us being really together also~ I have this feeling of keeping the relationship in the dark~ because a relationship is just between two person with love~ I learned this the hard way from my previous encounter~

Determination?

I was suppose to write diary everyday but then I just go here and there until I FORGOT to do so~ I wonder if I can still remember everything later when I try to write back some of the important and happy ones~^^

Some said that it is better to just remember the happy things and forget about the angry and sad things~ I agree on that and will only write important and happy things in my stuff~^^

I keep on thinking that I am not happy probably because I think too negative and I only write down what is negative and complains~ I should turn this around and be a happy person~ Hopefully my joy and happy aura can bring out the more gentle and good part of pp~ =)

DETERMINE TO BE A HapPyYyyYyYyyyYyyYyYyYyYy Person!!!~ haha =p

New experience?

Hmm~ I wonder if it is consider as a worthy experience or not but~ it's now one of my life's experience~ I know that I am not happy with this time event and things wasn't great~ but then getting fired from an event would be something unexpected thou~

I can't really pin point what I am feeling now because it's kinda blur~ I am not crying, definitely not sad, just numb I guess~ The first time being fired~ feels a bit weird but not that bad~ I am now going to sleep~ just maybe tomorrow I can really have a great happy day like today minus the end part~ haha

It was nice to hang out with last time political science friends and talking to them feels great~^^ And knowing who really care for me now and who back stabbed me =) Got good and bad~ but it's clear~^^

As for my head~ I wonder what is she feeling now~ just hopefully she is not affected by this incident of mine~ She probably won't but just hope that it really won't~ =)

I am now going to sleep, may tomorrow be a good day and good luck to my fellow ex teammate for tomorrow~^^ Cheers~^^  

influences~

It's been awhile since the last time I feel this alive :-) I got everything under control and settled~

Yes, I know that I don't tell problems to ppl often, and as I said, it's because I forgot how and not really a complainer~

Today was kindda nice because I get to talk and promote event~ it's my teritory finally ;-)

I become observer again, no longer ignoring, not to mention caring again :-D

I even ask a girl to go do Charity today~ but her reaction is a bit weird thou~ haha~ not bad, just a bit weird~ haha~ and I am now learning about proton that name with lotus~ how nice :-P

She is actually comforting :-o frankly, I kindda miss her while sem break but didn't contact, I wonder will she misunderstand by thinking that I don't like her~ haha

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2012~ AWSOME~!!!! =)

From now on~ here is a place for me to be sentimental about what is out there~^^ I will write back all those quotes that I used to like and those things that I used to do~

From now on~ I am going to write diary~ and my personal stuff is going in that and my external stuff is going in here~^^ How nice~^^ I can express in both way and this way~ I won't forget that unique, different side of me~ =) I am glad my 2012 started nicely~ hehe~

Happy 2012 to everyone~ and watch out for this improved version of me~ Janice Choo Ying Yun~^^