Surprise

Just as I expected... something happen tonight... something I consider a very warm and nice...incident. My housemate cooked today and the lady that rent this place to me came over and eat together...although the food does look a little horrible but somehow it feels like the best meal I had in a long long time...

I can't explain what I feel but I know I like it...I always thought that I will be fine and comfortable alone but somehow...after coming to here...they got this way of making me realise that I do need something nice once in a while... I feel strangely safe with them... I haven't felt safe with others for years now...and for the past 2 years, I am alone or I should say I never had anyone or anything to count on throughout my life... I actually feel like part of something now...which scares me a little bit....something might form and what if ppl can't accept the real me... I might be alone again... I might have something important that will be taken away from me (I know I think too much)....The fear of loosing something important is a lot for me to take in... From the moment I took this course... I know I have to learn to communicate again, and I am willing to learn... hopefully this time I will see the beauty in bonding... I will deal with fear and I know it's scary but maybe it is suppose to be the necessity for something wonderful...

When I was a little girl, my teachers and parent asked me about what I wanted to be when I grow up and then... when I grow older, they want a more definite answer and I answer them... who the hell knows, what am I supposed to know anything for sure... I might want to be a police, an actor or just a nobody... this is a phrase everyone will have to go thought...when ppl are young, they are supposed to be stupid, make mistake, get hurt, take on the wrong road and so on... we are suppose to be weak and get hurt very often so that we can prepare our self for the worse and it's like gambling...sometimes u get what u want and sometimes u don't... but either way, we get something call experience and that is the most important part....our memory, experience and what was taught to us is forming the us that we are today....It's time for me to test myself to see if I am already over the stage of being stupid and if those scars throughout the years paid off... I am willing to take the chance, besides...how bad could it be... it's just trying something or someone new, although it might turn out to be a disaster but it might lead to something good as well...who knows... life is just too short to play it safe...

Mistake makes ppl grow and it lead to a clearer future because at least we know what we don't want and what should we avoid doing... if I am wrong, let it be...I am willing to take the chance or I should say be stupid again... I should...haha..