Being childish and stupid

Almost everyone will have best friends and maybe I am asking too much...I tend to think that best friend should be the first one to know everything...at least something like having a gf is a big enough thing... I thought that the process of wanting to be with someone might actually be a sort of important process to seek ur best friend in that process...

I can't be sure if I am being depressed, upset or angry now...is it because I am not the first one who knows or because I am late for a month to know and have to know it from facebook? I turn numb at first but he seems to think that I should be curious about his new gf than shock or even try to explain, still using that kind of joking tone...that makes me even angrier... I am slow in relationship but I am not dumb... At first, I want to pretend like I am fine like I always do but I can't, I just can't...if u dnt want me to know, just said so...please dnt lie to me and pretend that it's ok and everything should be fine...
Why am I making such a big deal out of it? I don't know either... ,maybe not to others but to me... this is important, I am not the kind of person that tells secret, I only told him... he has become more than a friend to me...any other ppl, I can understand or I wont even care but not him, not for any reason... maybe I expected too much.. I always get myself crash whenever I expected something....not anymore... not after this time, he just murder my last sense of hope...
My trust and respect don't come easy, u have to earn them and he just lost it... I even sms saying that I dnt know much bout him but he still failed to mention anything bout that... I love this guy, I really do... not romantic kind, but I did plan on telling everything and anything to him until the day I die... stupid huh? yup, very stupid... I never should have hope, because this is the thing that always makes me drop... U don't just start a relationship, u ought to have a process and bff should have know during that process....
For a moment, he actually say that I dint seem to be interested when he claims that he did mention something, so he didn't say anything...waoh...that's just bull shit...even if that is the truth, u should have say something... nothing at all for a month (year)? Even if I am in a relationship that is completely not serious, I tell... even if it's just a crush...I tell... maybe guys are just different from girls, it's stupid for me to expect the same... but somehow I did.... He said..I don't know how he feels? That is just hilarious to me....it's because I know him too well that makes me angry.... he don't just start a relationship, he is a guy with plans and he thinks... somehow, it didn't occur to him to even mention a possible relationship to a best friends who tells everything...and certainly after starting it also failed to inform? That's too big of a surprise that I can take through facebook... He gave me a reason that I can't accept either...
Maybe I am just angry of myself for feeling stupid to know that my best friend is in a serious relationship from facebook... or I am angry with myself for expect the same thing that i give out... maybe I am angry because even simple things like this, he can't tell me, or the worse is won't tell me... then what am I to him? just a passer? Or a nobody? Here I am... planning to tell him something very important, intimate and nobody else know about...

I guess that is just about it, I dnt have to tell him anything... because I am just a nobody.... maybe he don't even cares... I don't know how he feels!!! He is the one who don't know how I feel, I am stupid because I actually care, I actually want to be a part of someone's life where that someone doesn't even bother remember telling me anything... You know what...I am not angry... I am actually heart broken...because it seems to me that someone who is so important to me failed to even mention something that is important to him... I failed to be a part of something important... I am just disappointed with myself.... maybe I am just not worth to be told of anything... Timing does matter or else time will not be part of life....