Simple Target =)

No matter what I do~ I just want a simple target~ to be happy^^ Sometimes I think too much~ A lot of things is just temporary chaotic because it's a lot of small things turn into one big thing which is a chaotic life~

I am now setting everything in a way of simple and happy settings~ I got time to go through every small little things this few days~ and to really recharge^^ I am going to have a hardworking and energetic way of living now~ I have this fire in me to do a lot~ I am so fired up^^

From this second on~ I am going to go experiment my method until it's perfectly process~ My balance shall be kept and will be kept =) Keep fire up~ run run run~ move move move~ fight fight fight~

Prepare for a new year~

I am someone that is afraid of loneliness~ but then I am not dumb~ I know that quantity will never beat quality and I plan to have only quality next year~ done with all those fooling around~ So my new year wish is hopping for that someone that I can LOVE and LOVE me back to finally be mine to have~

I am going to prepare a diary to write in~ it's already half way done, just need to decorate it with pictures~ This is to keep track on how I think, feel and react~ This might help me to have a better reaction if next time similar case happen~ I am also preparing myself for a new maturity level which mean calmer temper, expect nothing, give out the best and not forgetting to get rid of that BAD BAD characteristic of me in being LAZY!!!

I will be that organized, happy person that I always wanted to be^^ Step by step :
Diary (Feelings)~ Daily notebook (Organized and record)~ Choose the correct friends (no clubs)~ Schedule for exercise (stamina and health)~

I think all this should be enough~ if I can follow =p  

indecipherable?

I just saw a blog post about kiss and gesture, there is a phrase saying that if you are thinking of someone~ you are in love~ really???

The problem with me is not that I didn't think of anyone but pop out multiple people in different phrase, so indecipherable (@.@) Well~ Let's see~ Kiss on the forehead, J, because I did that to her once, pure instinct, never knew it meant " I hope we're together forever", I just do that base on what I feel at that time, warm memory =) 

Kiss on the cheek~ my latest date~ C~ I guess I should have know that our relationship is not going anywhere~ At that time, I was thinking if I drag it longer, maybe he could become the one~ but apparently, you can't control what you feel =p

Kiss on the ear, neck and lips are all intimate act and they are great memories^^ but finally~ they are JUST MEMORY~ haha~ I no longer feel anything for J or L~ Just wish that they are happy =) This time when I am typing this~ I don't have to buried what I feel anymore, because there is nothing to bury~ I wonder what cut me loose ~(^.^)~

Now comes the major indecipherable one~ Kiss on the hand and shoulder = I adore and want you? This one make me think of W (=_=)" Yes~ there is issue with her previously, but things are kinda better now~ I guess (0.0)? Even this post is from her =p The thing is~ I know that I like her, but like until I just wanna hug her? and when I do, I don't wanna let go =* My <3 feels warm and I will miss her =/

She never gave me a straight answer but I think I got it~ Since she don't feel the same way~ I guess~ I will just let this feeling lay low  until it go away itself =') 

emo =(

I try to help someone from humiliation but then everyone just think that I am playing the guy~

Then when I found a guy that I think is nice, he is unfortunately too young, and end up put a death sentenced on himself, he didn't even try to get me back when I tell him about our problems, but probably a good thing because obviously we don't fit~

Then I found courage to tell a girl that I like some time ago that I like her, she end up keep on avoiding me and probably don't feel the same way, and now I just find her too far from me~

I don't want to be a depress person but at this moment, I don't think it matters or anything matters at all~ seriously feel like crying~

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clear but a bit sad

I was confuse with what I feel about a friend of mine. I realized that I treat her in a different way, I will be more caring, anxious and careful with her~

When she is around, I feel calm and when she talk, I laugh :-) that's rare for me~ I find her very cute and I feel like protecting her, I even explain because scare that she will misunderstand, I even try to change bad habit so that I won't be a bad influence for her~

Actually today I just wanna know but then I realized that I really do feel something more, and eventually, I gather up my courage and ask~ at first she didn't give an answer but then, she gave me an answer that made me feel sad~

I think now I know what I feel and how she feels about me, but somehow, I am sad :'(

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Why bother~

I thought you know me and I thought you will see the truth beneath all this but you really let me down =( I thought maybe I can have a great friend out of this but then the way you think of me is just a big disappointment~

I thought you come and find me is because you treat me as a friend and see the good in me but then eventually I think this is all in my head~ You probably just don't want to make a mess out of everything for your own good~

Lately I have been thinking of just don't care about anything, go and have random sex, flirt with everyone, decorate myself, screw the people around me and stop treating people sincerely because my sincerity is worth nothing to them~

You seems to think that I have excuses for everything and can't see that good intention in me~ You should have know better~ You should have know that I am in the shit I am in now because I am too soft hearted~ but thanks to you~ I lost my last touch of decency~

I am done being the good guy~ since you see me in this way, means everyone else will see it in this way too~ then why do I bother to think for others? To you, and maybe to all, I am just a person that is good in finding excuses for everything I do anyway~ That Janice Choo Ying Yun that you know is not worth a thing~

I am bad =(

I can't help myself to pity my current bf at this moment =( I feel so guilty because even he knows that he is just a rebound guy =( I feel so guilty of this~ I am not a player neither a bad person, I am really not it~

I know that he is really a great guy and I know that he is really going to give his best shot and treat me very good~ but I am beginning to doubt that if mmy heart will ever be his to take~ Will it ever be mine again? Will it ever feel again? Will it feel worthy to the kindness of this guy? I really hope that someday~ some ppl will be able to catch my heart back ='(

I like the guy so finger cross, see how well can he be~

My heart is still with her no matter I want it or not~ I STILL LOVE HER~ Sigh =(

Improvement?

Improvement is something that can be so over rated sometimes~ However, just like perfection, everybody will still pursue it, no matter how strong you are, you will eventually find something that you are not good enough and it sometimes drag you but if you let it really went through your mind and see through the possibility of improvement went through your mind then you will know that actually it's something good~

Sometimes I think that it is perfectly normal to be weak in certain area but that doesn't mean that I am satisfied with what I have and who I am now~ I believe that if I really try harder, longer, I will reached what I consider as SATISFACTORY^^

I admit that I am greedy and arrogant sometimes but I am just human, and I think I do deserve certain characteristic of weakness don't I? Besides~ I find that if I am asking myself to slowly change towards better, it's actually not a bad thing =)

And it's DECIDED!!! I AM STILL GOING TO PURSUE PERFECTION AND I AM GOING TO TRY CORRECT THOSE WEAKNESS OF MINE SO THAT I CAN BECOME A BETTER PERSON!!! WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA =P 

feel~

Yesterday we kissed, and I don't hate it, that's good, but I don't have that urge to do more or anything~

He is a great guy, but if I continue to feel like nothing more than just a simple like then it's going to take me another chance to find me the one :-(

I am thinking that if there is any chance I can have that feel again~ that feel of getting my breath taken away from me~ is there that again?

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seventh relationship, fourth boyfriend

He is so sweet :-) I have decided to give him a chance and let it out :-)

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cute :-) haha :-P

Today is a plain day at first, I got a little unwell because accidentally drank a bottle of soy milk that was expired, haha, really very blur :-P

Then later at night, I got better, and went dinner with friends as usual, everything was plain and normal~

Here comes the cute part, just before one of the last passenger get down from the car, he look to me and said "I like to have dinner with you more and more", this is just so cute and sweet :-P this is the first time any guy ever said something like this to me, haha~

I do find him cute~ hehe~ he is quiet but warm at the same time, somehow made me wanna take a shot, but this one, I will take it slowly, just to make sure how we feel for each other :-) no rush ;-)

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pure lie

I just know that the boyfriend that day is not really her boyfriend, I finally see the real face of her, really a complete lie all this while~

Why on earth is it taking effects on me? If this girl don't love herself, wanted to have multiple boyfriend then why should I care? Especially when this person is the one person that completely don't know how to appreciate you~

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first and also last time

I can hear my own heartbeat stop when I saw the scene, no warning, no explain, just plain shock~

As usual, everything nid to let me feel like I got tested on the spot, but this time, the pain is making me feel like vomiting, literary~ and this is no test~ the first time having the person I like bringing a new partner~

Didn't even have the decency to warn me about her new boyfriend? I could have just stay home or go with other ppl if she would have or anyone would have just warn me about being all in pairs~

I thought she wasn't ready for relationship, I thought she can't handle it but she was with a guy from kl yesterday, as her boyfriend~

As I said, if you don't like me, just say so, don't give me all those crap and let me see this, I can hear my own heart shattered the moment I see their hands holding when I look towards the backseat while in the car~

Earlier that time, I let a friend wait untill gastric, and the other two waiting infront of the shopping complex because go and fetch her "friend", I should have know~ once again, too blind to see it~

I am done with all this crap, done with her~ done~

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Still~

I saw her just now, talk a little bit, she seems to be doing great with her new bracelet and her face does look better =) I am glad that it all went well for her~ She is busy with her assignments and going to teach dance at gym room~

I still go through her profile, and her pictures when I miss her, it's beginning to be a habit of mine~ Became a STALKER now? haha~

Two days ago, a friend asked if I still feel for her and my answer surprised myself~ I answered YES, NEVER CHANGED~ Aren't I suppose to let it go already?

In my heart, I know that I LOVE HER, NEVER STOP~ I am happy just because I get to see her~ I don't want anything from her, I am satisfy just by seeing her once awhile I guess~
I have been changing a lot lately, unfortunately, in a bad way, and I am running away from my assignments, I wonder if last trimester, is this what she was feeling? So crash by assignment and social life and everything else? Yet, I am blind enough to not notice it ='(

I wonder when I dated that guy, did she feel jealous? Will she understand me well enough to know that I was just helping the guy from embarrassment? Or will she think that I have already move on? I hope that she knows but I wish that she will never know~ Let this be a secret and the pain on me alone =')

play but not happy

Today is suppose to be a relaxing and happy day but through the whole trip, I just kept feeling weird instead of happy, I now turned depress and angry somehow because receiving messages from certain sisters of mine~

I am happy that I have friends and glad that I get to spend time with them but the problem is, not everyone can come along :-( I feel like I am choosing to abandon my sister and using the excuse of not having a car :-S

I suddenly feel like I am the worse sister in the world, I am so sorry for not inviting u all, I know I am too playful :'( please forgive me :'(

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still the same ~

I will look at her window still and will hope that she is sleeping well with a smile on my face.

To me, I don't need much, I just need to know that she is ok, but still~ I never knew that dating me is actually a horrifying thing to do :-(

I will find a place to burry my love, won't let her know so that she don't stress ;-)

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really?

I just came back from suppher and my friends told me something that I can't really believe~ I refuse to believe it~ :-(

They told me about her history, even told me the name of the guy she played before~ I know that she is capable of doing that, but as I said, I refuse to belief that~

Maybe I am plain naive for falling for a player, but I do love her still, I know I am hopeless, but what can I do?

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phone blog~

I am using my phone to write blog~

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Clubbing night~

I was asked to go clubbing, and I went =) I was aiming to have fun and I did^^ I went into a sexy dance competition, met a girl that is pretty cool~ I even learned some move from one of them^^ Had 9 shots of TEQUILA!!!

She came later~ I purposely have almost zero contact with her after my birthday because my heart really shatter to dust from what she said~ I don't think she cares and maybe even notice~ Throughout the whole night, I was interacting and dancing with others but then she gone up dancing without anyone protecting her and I was pushed by a friend to be the protector~ but due to drinking and high heels, I have to stand still for a while, and from holding each other's waist, it suddenly become a hug~ It just feel so familiar and warm but then I just walk away to the bathroom~ I don't want that and don't need that especially not from someone that CAN'T LOVE ME even if she DO LOVE ME~

My Birthday~

Start with SWEET memory first:
Out of a sudden~ I did something CRAZY again!!! I went to LANGKAWI with friends abruptly with a last minute notice =p BANANA BOAT!!!~ WoHooOooo!!!! Then we had a WHOLE BODY THAI SPA!!!^^ hehe~ I try BEACH DRESS for the first time and got a BIKINI as present from her^^ Was asked on stage, and gotten REALLY DRUNK at night~ haha~ FUN!!! The next day we bought a lot of CHOCOLATES and went PENANG~ At night, TAO for dinner^^ then CLUBBING!!! MOIST~ She went for SEXY DANCE competition~ Watching her dance suddenly lead me thinking back a lot of SWEET memory (@v@) The next day, we ate at T BOWL~ Watched a movie, and do a little shopping^^ Actually I am just glad that I get to spend my birthday with her, haha (^o^)v I am Janice Choo and I am happy (^o^)~

Now for the NOT SO SWEET part:
I have to let go of my chance to go PANGKOR with my other gang of friend and kinda made one of my sister emo about that~ GUILTY!!! =( The bad part is~ I miss out the chance to go out with a friend that is going back GERMANY~

Now~ THE PAIN part:
Both physically and emotionally injured, everything was fun until PENANG, when at TAO, she got emo and it was obvious until I can't pretend that I don't see it, was due to er EX =( Then at moist, she got drunk really fast, and ended up HUGGING a GUY, my mood CRASHED!!! My leg went swollen and body injured due to preventing her from falling~ In room, she said things that I almost think she can KILL ME WITH WORDS~ I keep on apologizing to the girl that brought us there but then the girl went apologizing to me because my birthday ended up in TEARS~ FUCK!!!! Then the next day on the way home, she said something that SHATTERS me, " After my ex, I couldn't find back the feeling of love anymore" Does this mean she had NEVER loved me? Or she just completely forgot that we DATED before?

Trigger~

My friends and I are having quite some fun this few days at cc playing games and enjoying the freedom^^ I have also cut my hair and dye it today~ RED^^

However~ I can't seem to make them stop talking about her~ It's like they do it purposely (=_=") but after I asked~ everyone gave me the same answer~ They said it's a trigger~ When saw me, automatically she will also come into the picture (@_@") I know that it's nothing wrong since we are all friends~ and it is unavoidable to mention about her but somehow it make me miss her ~(T-T)~

No matter what~ I will still treat her like the most precious thing on earth~ because to me~ she is precious~ (^o^) I don't want anything from her~ even if it's stupid~ I will give my everything still~

Happy and sad at the same time~

Haha~ what a weird feeling~ Today is nice~ I sleep, play, and eat whole day^^ Not bad if once in a while my life is this peaceful and quiet^^ Today I know that I have made the right choice^^ The post was meant for me~ I know^^ It writes, "你给的爱,太过沉重...不是你不好,而是我只想单身... " I am somehow happy that my love is notice but this feeling also make me wanna cry while smiling =')

I will buried everything deep inside my heart =) as I said~ she will never have to know~ but still~ I wish that someday there will be a person that can give her the right feel =') I suddenly recall that I once said to her~ "I will be happy for her if she found someone that make her happy even if the person is not me"

My heart can only take so much~ No more of this true love thingy~ Maybe it's just not my thing =) But I have no regret in trying and at least I know that I give out my best b4 (^_^) 

Result out so does me~

Today my result was released and I am glad that it wasn't as bad as I expected =DDDD PTPTN safe!!! (^-^)y I have decided to focus only on my education and nothing else next semester~ I will block everything out!!! NO MORE!!! I HAD IT!!!!  >:{

My blog and facebook got hack again~ WTH!!!!! If it was hacked during other time and posted something else or even to someone else~ I wont be this piss off and emo now!!! I wont care about other things but if you wanna ruin my day~ u couldn't have found a more torturing way than this (>w<") Why involve the person whom I care so much about? What have I done to deserve this (-_-;)

I don't want to make things akward~ that is y I decide to hide everything and keep it to myself~ I can and I will (o~0;) apparently~ I am not ready to deal with her~ and it only took me one facebook post to make me realized it ='( but I believe I can hide it!!!  (^-^)V

My mind and heart~

My mind is telling me that I am OK but my heart is saying, NO YOU ARE NOT OK!!!! Actually deep down~ I know =( Everytime I heard that name, images came out to hunt me~ If u don't love me and dump me as an act of cruelness, at least I can hate u~ but deep down in my heart~ I know that's not true~ I know u feel what I feel as well~ I know this feeling is true~ I know~ but knowing this just make me feel worse =(

I wonder if she really meant what she post but I have already ran out of energy to find out~ I am really too injured~ So I posted one last thing on my wall~ if this time~still no response~ then at least I will have an excuse to completely let go~  

I wonder~

I just reached Kampar today and after folding clothes until tired~ I go scoop through facebook~ I saw a status writing this, "When madly in love that time~ don't be too realistic, but when break up that time, u have to be realistic, no matter how unwilling u are to let go~ u must~" I wonder if my love is really that forgettable until a person can just let it go like that~ Suddenly when I saw this.... there is this ache feeling here <3

I know I might not be important, I know what I do might not meant a thing~ but still~ I will be there to do whatever I can to help~ Even if my love and care is not known~ even if my sincere is not recognized, I rather all this remain unknown than to create stress and unhappiness to her =( 

As long as she is happy~

I thought I had experience love previously~ but...haha~  I fall in love with someone I originally thought impossible~ but she responded =) I started to pursue her and after a month, she said YES~ I was unimaginably happy^^ She is perfect to me =* I also notice that her "friends" aren't sincere and her image is degraded by others =( I never care what others said, because what I see in her is pure beauty and unique quality that can approach me^^ I never knew being with someone could be so beautiful but~ she prove me wrong^^

I love her~ maybe even more than I love myself~ But I never knew it's actually stress to her~ What a fatal mistake that leads to a breakup, haha~ stupid me~ I never understand why two people who love each other can't be together~ but now I know =(

 I really fight for this relationship to work~ but all I really wanted was her happiness~ so I told her to stop thinking about coming back to me~ Each and every word I typed in that message is like a knife slicing through my heart~ But really~ as long as she is happy~ I can hide all these feelings away, she never have to know =')

Surprise Feeling

Today is really a weird day for me~ I experienced a feeling that feels like my heart is being carve with a knife. Without knowing what am I feeling, I just turn extremely down, this phone call before my last class really give me a whole new experience.We are actually not that close but when I have trouble that time, they were the friends that stay right by me^^ Touching memory^^ However, this time I am just lost, our friend just past away from surgery caused by kidney failure, I know that she is sick but I never though that she will just past away like that. They all meant a lot to me but all I can do now is nothing =( I never knew that listening to a 25 years old guy cry like that through the phone for an hour is really nothing near to what I can handle. He is crying his lungs out and all I can do is hold the phone and listen, I feel useless but what else could I have done~ I just pretend to be happy later on so that I can get over this but I just have this squeezing feeling in my heart that I can't tell anyone =(

My existence counts~

"My existence counts", this is what I wrote on the board. That board is actually from a campaign that I personally think that I would also like to do something like that, the theme is call "embracing life" ^^ It's too bad that other people can't get in touch with this kind of campaign more, because through our process in growing up, we forge. It's in our typical human nature that we forget about stuff~ Unfortunately~

That is why we need, reminder, a constant one to be exact~ We forgot about about what is living about, we forgot bout why we shall exist. For example, a very common example will be, girls, sometimes they evolve around love without remembering that there are other kind of love, there are other important things as well. We are not design to live with just sole purpose, we forgot that we could be great and have things evolve around us instead~

My existence count, do yours?

Disappointment~

I didn't ran away when u nid me, I stay put and help but have u notice that all these help u r getting from me is killing me? I am just human, have u even stop and notice my tired?

I didn't give up n still haven't give up waiting for u to be ready, when r u going to contact me? When r u going to realized tat being my friend is enough? Why do u choose to ignore me while I am the one who knows u and understand u? When r u going to notice me?

I am not a mind reader, if u don't tell me things, do u think tat I can understand?U ask me to spit out words but yet u r the one who push me away with ur hidden words tat didn't I was waiting for u to tell.

I lend u money when u nid it, I give u my help n stand by ur side, I treat u with sincere but every time when things go down, u pretended u know nothing because u r afraid that ppl will turn against u, what kind of friend u r? have u ever stop n think of wat kind of person u r when u act tat way? Why let me down again?

I teach u English, treat u with sincere, and listen to u when u needed someone. Why do u judged me when I needed support and when u know nothing about what happened? Can a person just forgot bout ppl's good when they screw up just that once?

When u r injured, I give u meds. I help u with ur injuries  but u can't back me up just using words when I needed one? When ppl step me behind my back, y didn't u defended me? When I help u b4, u can't feel my sincerity? Why didn't u at least try to approach me?

I listen to u and comfort u when the world is against u, I try to understand the situation and help u clarify things even when that time u were actually against me and anti me. Why did u go and confront me in front of so many ppl when u could just ask me privately of wats going on first? I know u would probably say something like don't aspect returns when u do something, I don't nid this crap because I already didn't, but at least be a good person for once that don't make everyone hate u and have remorse for once in ur life~

I know ppl r not perfect, of course including me, but why do I still feel disappointment in u? Maybe because I really treat u as an important friend~ disappointment

Awaking from a blur dream =)

Helping people is not a hard thing to do, but finding people that is willing to be help is hard. I find myself making the same mistake lately but I try to figure out why~ that is why I took on psychology at the first place, to know more on how people think, why people reacted the way they do. I am only human, why can't I make mistake? The hard part is not correcting ur mistake but admitting it~ As a wise man once said, taking the first step out is always the hardest =)

I do admit that I got a little upset when I dnt know about the things that I should know in some cases, just like when someone went to new york to study and abandon me through a phone call, I just suddenly have to move without being tell and lost the chance to say good bye to my friends, lost my money when it was took before telling me, sometimes people just wanna know things, I get it, because I spend my whole life experiencing it, probably not a good thing but I examine what I feel and experienced before in order for me to know what people are thinking.

Now~ I have the chance to study from all those professors and founders of how to explain human behaviour^^ I am very grateful for that, I can now say that I study behaviour~ However =( I see more ugly side of nature than before but I do know that it's part of what I will have to come across with. I am sure that I can handle it even if I don't like it yet =(

Lately, I have been experiencing some difficulties in thinking straight~ I am angry all the time~ I have a life too, which mean I have my own personal problem and I am no saint, I make mistake and might throw my anger to some other things and people but I am lucky enough that my friends are all very understanding and helping me instead of creating more problems for me =)

I am grateful for having great friends, partner, teammates and a blog, haha, to just stay by me and waiting for me to tell the shit I am dealing with~ I will treasure all this, and save it deep down in my heart^^

Gravity? =(

Here I am again~ emo-ing~ I wonder why on earth do I torture myself like that~ U know wat? After I think of it~ Actually I really have no reason to be depressed but I do~ y the hell do I feel this way?
I keep having this feeling like the gravity is pulling me down~ Did I really handle things badly or is it just in my mind? Lets check~

Event~I should give jobs to my assistant to do which I did since I am the leader, they should sometimes make their own decision and give opinions as long as they tell or discuss with me which they did also, which is good~ nothing wrong here~ I did have some problem and nid to make some minor changes here and there but I manage to do so~ I am still in control I guess~ not bad~ Checked~

Exhibition~I did have some trouble with it at first because seems like a lot to do but "Usually" and I manage it quite well wat~ no sweat~ So this is still OK~ Checked~

Mid Term~ Although made some stupid mistake and somehow reading books feels like being force to read but it only consist of 10 out of hundred overall, I did get upset for awhile but fine now~ Just that I nid to have my rythm back in reading~ but overall~ still OK~checked

Assignment~Well...today did got a little shocked but still manage to handle it^^ As for the others~ planning on finishing it today and better send one more time the things that I have already sent just to be sure but if they didn't get it, they will ask wat, impossible no asking rite so this should means no problem^^ No sweat then^^ Checked~

Relationship~This is probably the biggest checked I will give^^ The only thing I can still give out a genuine smile =)

Friends~Maybe this is wat that is killing me~ I really treat him as a friend but recently I feel like I dnt know him anymore =( Even if my face didn't show anything, it feels like a piece of me went missing~ The fake smile of him feels like acid in my heart T-T Did I do smthg wrong? Sometimes I might say smthg not nice to hear but if u really think of it~ I just want to skip the unnecessary things so that everything can move faster~ Sometimes I might not talk in those polite way~ But have u notice? Have u ever notice that only when I really treat ppl as a friend, I cut down those polite ways of talking? Am I wrong? Is stating facts wrong? I am not trying to brag, just telling truth, is that wrong? Ppl prefer fake friends instead? =(
Even if I did something wrong, pls don't go away silently~ I am slow, I wont understand unless you tell me~ I keep on feeling that I have a lot of friends but in some class, I still sit alone and I still have to make an effort to communicate and if I don't, nobody talks to me~ I am so not nice to talk to huh? I wonder~ have they ever consider that this is a cruel thing to do to a person? Maybe it's my fault, I just go so depressed because the "he" is no longer the "he" I know =( Might of just pick out a long and sharp knife then step me in the heart~ Sigh~ U know wat? I give up~ I let go, maybe it's best for both of us, maybe I still might cry every now and then for a short period but I'll be fine~ "smile"~Checked~

That's it~ What is decided id decided~ suddenly feel like I can breath again~ maybe after I double check my assignment and finished what is left~ I will feel even lighter^^

Changes~

Let us catch up from my last post which turns out the bad news became good news again in the end~ I got back with my gf and everything seems perfect, just by thinking of her make my stress go away and put a smile on my face^^ The first time I am willing to wait for 4 hours for a bus just to meet somebody~ although her parents are scary for me but somehow they remind me of how my parents used to be~ I guess in common things do comes in all kind of forms =p

I decided to move from my current hostel to another hostel so that I can live with one of my best friends and a sis of mine which I met in UTAR, which also thanks to fate which brought us together^^ However, I haven't tell my housemate and roommate about this yet, everyone keeps on assuming that it's the problem between me and my roommate but the truth is, I just think if I move, I found my own gang of friends~ just different friends, different topics and different concept, I think it's time for me to stop all those playing and turn back to the matured and philosophy me that some of my wise friends know^^

Although there are a lot of changes in this short period of times, but I can still keep up with it and I am sure every changes comes in different rewards and challenges^^ Just like a week ago, I helped a guy that was in an accident and he turn out to be a great guy which I hope to know more about^^ Life is exciting because we let different changes take place, more, we are willing to experience what is possible =)

Mistake?

I now nid a place to scream and blog seems perfect~ Recently facing a lot of stress, my family is not communicating with each other, my ptptn is still in trouble, I might not get to study anymore and the worse part is I got myself a partner... Maybe that girl was right of scolding me, this girl is someone I know a long time time back and I used to date her brother~ turns out that when u play too much at the past, the past really will come back to hunt u~ Maybe she is right, maybe I really dnt deserve love and maybe i will just end up breaking other's heart~

I thought I can change and stop breaking hearts and actually commit to someone, but she reminded me that I am just fooling myself~ I am not sure if I am really ready to commit but I am sure that I really really like my current gf a lot~ or maybe I should say ex gf since I just broke up with her yesterday~ I have never felt so safe and so comfortable with anyone else b4 and this scares me even more~ what if I really did something wrong to hurt her, I dnt deserved her love~ I keep my answer short when break with her to prevent myself from crying, stupid but effective~

I decided to be as cruel as possible to break up with her but my heart feels like dripping blood~ Did I made the right choice? Is this a wise decision? To go away b4 she sank too deep for me? I hope I did, better to hurt her now b4 she really falls for me and b4 she really do something that she will regret doing~

New Year~ Great start^^

This new year have a great start^^ I am happy and trusting someone again and I wont deny that I am scare to trust on this particular matter again but~I am glad that I took a chance^^ I am not just giving others a chance but to myself too~ Maybe my friend is right, I did change, and I like how I changed it^^ For the first time in may years, I feel happy not because of something that I had accomplished but because I have found the courage and willingness to let myself be vulnerable again^^

There is this guy, JH, he help me know that it's been a long time since I last sit quietly to see what is around me, the green tress, blue sea, and comfy breeze that I ignore for so long~and he also thought me a lot of important things too, he can make things seems so simple and logic; Everything move slow and calm when I am with him, I like it^^ it's a man for me to rest and think^^ He is very nice and a true gentleman^^ I hope that I can have this friend for as long as I could^^ He will always be a very important person in my heart and have a spot there that nobody can replace^^

Although having a friend like that is already a great start for the year, I found someone even more special~ I guess me that is called a kitty by friends is now examining a fish~ Ironic but true, This kitty here always go for logic path but this time it let itself jump into the the world of this particular fishy, hehe~ Let's just hope I don't drown in the process " cross finger" haha^^

Now u know y this is a great start huh, wish that everyone is happy and enjoying their life^^