Simple Target =)

No matter what I do~ I just want a simple target~ to be happy^^ Sometimes I think too much~ A lot of things is just temporary chaotic because it's a lot of small things turn into one big thing which is a chaotic life~

I am now setting everything in a way of simple and happy settings~ I got time to go through every small little things this few days~ and to really recharge^^ I am going to have a hardworking and energetic way of living now~ I have this fire in me to do a lot~ I am so fired up^^

From this second on~ I am going to go experiment my method until it's perfectly process~ My balance shall be kept and will be kept =) Keep fire up~ run run run~ move move move~ fight fight fight~

Prepare for a new year~

I am someone that is afraid of loneliness~ but then I am not dumb~ I know that quantity will never beat quality and I plan to have only quality next year~ done with all those fooling around~ So my new year wish is hopping for that someone that I can LOVE and LOVE me back to finally be mine to have~

I am going to prepare a diary to write in~ it's already half way done, just need to decorate it with pictures~ This is to keep track on how I think, feel and react~ This might help me to have a better reaction if next time similar case happen~ I am also preparing myself for a new maturity level which mean calmer temper, expect nothing, give out the best and not forgetting to get rid of that BAD BAD characteristic of me in being LAZY!!!

I will be that organized, happy person that I always wanted to be^^ Step by step :
Diary (Feelings)~ Daily notebook (Organized and record)~ Choose the correct friends (no clubs)~ Schedule for exercise (stamina and health)~

I think all this should be enough~ if I can follow =p  

indecipherable?

I just saw a blog post about kiss and gesture, there is a phrase saying that if you are thinking of someone~ you are in love~ really???

The problem with me is not that I didn't think of anyone but pop out multiple people in different phrase, so indecipherable (@.@) Well~ Let's see~ Kiss on the forehead, J, because I did that to her once, pure instinct, never knew it meant " I hope we're together forever", I just do that base on what I feel at that time, warm memory =) 

Kiss on the cheek~ my latest date~ C~ I guess I should have know that our relationship is not going anywhere~ At that time, I was thinking if I drag it longer, maybe he could become the one~ but apparently, you can't control what you feel =p

Kiss on the ear, neck and lips are all intimate act and they are great memories^^ but finally~ they are JUST MEMORY~ haha~ I no longer feel anything for J or L~ Just wish that they are happy =) This time when I am typing this~ I don't have to buried what I feel anymore, because there is nothing to bury~ I wonder what cut me loose ~(^.^)~

Now comes the major indecipherable one~ Kiss on the hand and shoulder = I adore and want you? This one make me think of W (=_=)" Yes~ there is issue with her previously, but things are kinda better now~ I guess (0.0)? Even this post is from her =p The thing is~ I know that I like her, but like until I just wanna hug her? and when I do, I don't wanna let go =* My <3 feels warm and I will miss her =/

She never gave me a straight answer but I think I got it~ Since she don't feel the same way~ I guess~ I will just let this feeling lay low  until it go away itself =') 

emo =(

I try to help someone from humiliation but then everyone just think that I am playing the guy~

Then when I found a guy that I think is nice, he is unfortunately too young, and end up put a death sentenced on himself, he didn't even try to get me back when I tell him about our problems, but probably a good thing because obviously we don't fit~

Then I found courage to tell a girl that I like some time ago that I like her, she end up keep on avoiding me and probably don't feel the same way, and now I just find her too far from me~

I don't want to be a depress person but at this moment, I don't think it matters or anything matters at all~ seriously feel like crying~

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clear but a bit sad

I was confuse with what I feel about a friend of mine. I realized that I treat her in a different way, I will be more caring, anxious and careful with her~

When she is around, I feel calm and when she talk, I laugh :-) that's rare for me~ I find her very cute and I feel like protecting her, I even explain because scare that she will misunderstand, I even try to change bad habit so that I won't be a bad influence for her~

Actually today I just wanna know but then I realized that I really do feel something more, and eventually, I gather up my courage and ask~ at first she didn't give an answer but then, she gave me an answer that made me feel sad~

I think now I know what I feel and how she feels about me, but somehow, I am sad :'(

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Why bother~

I thought you know me and I thought you will see the truth beneath all this but you really let me down =( I thought maybe I can have a great friend out of this but then the way you think of me is just a big disappointment~

I thought you come and find me is because you treat me as a friend and see the good in me but then eventually I think this is all in my head~ You probably just don't want to make a mess out of everything for your own good~

Lately I have been thinking of just don't care about anything, go and have random sex, flirt with everyone, decorate myself, screw the people around me and stop treating people sincerely because my sincerity is worth nothing to them~

You seems to think that I have excuses for everything and can't see that good intention in me~ You should have know better~ You should have know that I am in the shit I am in now because I am too soft hearted~ but thanks to you~ I lost my last touch of decency~

I am done being the good guy~ since you see me in this way, means everyone else will see it in this way too~ then why do I bother to think for others? To you, and maybe to all, I am just a person that is good in finding excuses for everything I do anyway~ That Janice Choo Ying Yun that you know is not worth a thing~

I am bad =(

I can't help myself to pity my current bf at this moment =( I feel so guilty because even he knows that he is just a rebound guy =( I feel so guilty of this~ I am not a player neither a bad person, I am really not it~

I know that he is really a great guy and I know that he is really going to give his best shot and treat me very good~ but I am beginning to doubt that if mmy heart will ever be his to take~ Will it ever be mine again? Will it ever feel again? Will it feel worthy to the kindness of this guy? I really hope that someday~ some ppl will be able to catch my heart back ='(

I like the guy so finger cross, see how well can he be~

My heart is still with her no matter I want it or not~ I STILL LOVE HER~ Sigh =(

Improvement?

Improvement is something that can be so over rated sometimes~ However, just like perfection, everybody will still pursue it, no matter how strong you are, you will eventually find something that you are not good enough and it sometimes drag you but if you let it really went through your mind and see through the possibility of improvement went through your mind then you will know that actually it's something good~

Sometimes I think that it is perfectly normal to be weak in certain area but that doesn't mean that I am satisfied with what I have and who I am now~ I believe that if I really try harder, longer, I will reached what I consider as SATISFACTORY^^

I admit that I am greedy and arrogant sometimes but I am just human, and I think I do deserve certain characteristic of weakness don't I? Besides~ I find that if I am asking myself to slowly change towards better, it's actually not a bad thing =)

And it's DECIDED!!! I AM STILL GOING TO PURSUE PERFECTION AND I AM GOING TO TRY CORRECT THOSE WEAKNESS OF MINE SO THAT I CAN BECOME A BETTER PERSON!!! WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA =P 

feel~

Yesterday we kissed, and I don't hate it, that's good, but I don't have that urge to do more or anything~

He is a great guy, but if I continue to feel like nothing more than just a simple like then it's going to take me another chance to find me the one :-(

I am thinking that if there is any chance I can have that feel again~ that feel of getting my breath taken away from me~ is there that again?

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