My Birthday~

Start with SWEET memory first:
Out of a sudden~ I did something CRAZY again!!! I went to LANGKAWI with friends abruptly with a last minute notice =p BANANA BOAT!!!~ WoHooOooo!!!! Then we had a WHOLE BODY THAI SPA!!!^^ hehe~ I try BEACH DRESS for the first time and got a BIKINI as present from her^^ Was asked on stage, and gotten REALLY DRUNK at night~ haha~ FUN!!! The next day we bought a lot of CHOCOLATES and went PENANG~ At night, TAO for dinner^^ then CLUBBING!!! MOIST~ She went for SEXY DANCE competition~ Watching her dance suddenly lead me thinking back a lot of SWEET memory (@v@) The next day, we ate at T BOWL~ Watched a movie, and do a little shopping^^ Actually I am just glad that I get to spend my birthday with her, haha (^o^)v I am Janice Choo and I am happy (^o^)~

Now for the NOT SO SWEET part:
I have to let go of my chance to go PANGKOR with my other gang of friend and kinda made one of my sister emo about that~ GUILTY!!! =( The bad part is~ I miss out the chance to go out with a friend that is going back GERMANY~

Now~ THE PAIN part:
Both physically and emotionally injured, everything was fun until PENANG, when at TAO, she got emo and it was obvious until I can't pretend that I don't see it, was due to er EX =( Then at moist, she got drunk really fast, and ended up HUGGING a GUY, my mood CRASHED!!! My leg went swollen and body injured due to preventing her from falling~ In room, she said things that I almost think she can KILL ME WITH WORDS~ I keep on apologizing to the girl that brought us there but then the girl went apologizing to me because my birthday ended up in TEARS~ FUCK!!!! Then the next day on the way home, she said something that SHATTERS me, " After my ex, I couldn't find back the feeling of love anymore" Does this mean she had NEVER loved me? Or she just completely forgot that we DATED before?

Trigger~

My friends and I are having quite some fun this few days at cc playing games and enjoying the freedom^^ I have also cut my hair and dye it today~ RED^^

However~ I can't seem to make them stop talking about her~ It's like they do it purposely (=_=") but after I asked~ everyone gave me the same answer~ They said it's a trigger~ When saw me, automatically she will also come into the picture (@_@") I know that it's nothing wrong since we are all friends~ and it is unavoidable to mention about her but somehow it make me miss her ~(T-T)~

No matter what~ I will still treat her like the most precious thing on earth~ because to me~ she is precious~ (^o^) I don't want anything from her~ even if it's stupid~ I will give my everything still~

Happy and sad at the same time~

Haha~ what a weird feeling~ Today is nice~ I sleep, play, and eat whole day^^ Not bad if once in a while my life is this peaceful and quiet^^ Today I know that I have made the right choice^^ The post was meant for me~ I know^^ It writes, "你给的爱,太过沉重...不是你不好,而是我只想单身... " I am somehow happy that my love is notice but this feeling also make me wanna cry while smiling =')

I will buried everything deep inside my heart =) as I said~ she will never have to know~ but still~ I wish that someday there will be a person that can give her the right feel =') I suddenly recall that I once said to her~ "I will be happy for her if she found someone that make her happy even if the person is not me"

My heart can only take so much~ No more of this true love thingy~ Maybe it's just not my thing =) But I have no regret in trying and at least I know that I give out my best b4 (^_^) 

Result out so does me~

Today my result was released and I am glad that it wasn't as bad as I expected =DDDD PTPTN safe!!! (^-^)y I have decided to focus only on my education and nothing else next semester~ I will block everything out!!! NO MORE!!! I HAD IT!!!!  >:{

My blog and facebook got hack again~ WTH!!!!! If it was hacked during other time and posted something else or even to someone else~ I wont be this piss off and emo now!!! I wont care about other things but if you wanna ruin my day~ u couldn't have found a more torturing way than this (>w<") Why involve the person whom I care so much about? What have I done to deserve this (-_-;)

I don't want to make things akward~ that is y I decide to hide everything and keep it to myself~ I can and I will (o~0;) apparently~ I am not ready to deal with her~ and it only took me one facebook post to make me realized it ='( but I believe I can hide it!!!  (^-^)V

My mind and heart~

My mind is telling me that I am OK but my heart is saying, NO YOU ARE NOT OK!!!! Actually deep down~ I know =( Everytime I heard that name, images came out to hunt me~ If u don't love me and dump me as an act of cruelness, at least I can hate u~ but deep down in my heart~ I know that's not true~ I know u feel what I feel as well~ I know this feeling is true~ I know~ but knowing this just make me feel worse =(

I wonder if she really meant what she post but I have already ran out of energy to find out~ I am really too injured~ So I posted one last thing on my wall~ if this time~still no response~ then at least I will have an excuse to completely let go~  

I wonder~

I just reached Kampar today and after folding clothes until tired~ I go scoop through facebook~ I saw a status writing this, "When madly in love that time~ don't be too realistic, but when break up that time, u have to be realistic, no matter how unwilling u are to let go~ u must~" I wonder if my love is really that forgettable until a person can just let it go like that~ Suddenly when I saw this.... there is this ache feeling here <3

I know I might not be important, I know what I do might not meant a thing~ but still~ I will be there to do whatever I can to help~ Even if my love and care is not known~ even if my sincere is not recognized, I rather all this remain unknown than to create stress and unhappiness to her =( 

As long as she is happy~

I thought I had experience love previously~ but...haha~  I fall in love with someone I originally thought impossible~ but she responded =) I started to pursue her and after a month, she said YES~ I was unimaginably happy^^ She is perfect to me =* I also notice that her "friends" aren't sincere and her image is degraded by others =( I never care what others said, because what I see in her is pure beauty and unique quality that can approach me^^ I never knew being with someone could be so beautiful but~ she prove me wrong^^

I love her~ maybe even more than I love myself~ But I never knew it's actually stress to her~ What a fatal mistake that leads to a breakup, haha~ stupid me~ I never understand why two people who love each other can't be together~ but now I know =(

 I really fight for this relationship to work~ but all I really wanted was her happiness~ so I told her to stop thinking about coming back to me~ Each and every word I typed in that message is like a knife slicing through my heart~ But really~ as long as she is happy~ I can hide all these feelings away, she never have to know =')