Awaking from a blur dream =)

Helping people is not a hard thing to do, but finding people that is willing to be help is hard. I find myself making the same mistake lately but I try to figure out why~ that is why I took on psychology at the first place, to know more on how people think, why people reacted the way they do. I am only human, why can't I make mistake? The hard part is not correcting ur mistake but admitting it~ As a wise man once said, taking the first step out is always the hardest =)

I do admit that I got a little upset when I dnt know about the things that I should know in some cases, just like when someone went to new york to study and abandon me through a phone call, I just suddenly have to move without being tell and lost the chance to say good bye to my friends, lost my money when it was took before telling me, sometimes people just wanna know things, I get it, because I spend my whole life experiencing it, probably not a good thing but I examine what I feel and experienced before in order for me to know what people are thinking.

Now~ I have the chance to study from all those professors and founders of how to explain human behaviour^^ I am very grateful for that, I can now say that I study behaviour~ However =( I see more ugly side of nature than before but I do know that it's part of what I will have to come across with. I am sure that I can handle it even if I don't like it yet =(

Lately, I have been experiencing some difficulties in thinking straight~ I am angry all the time~ I have a life too, which mean I have my own personal problem and I am no saint, I make mistake and might throw my anger to some other things and people but I am lucky enough that my friends are all very understanding and helping me instead of creating more problems for me =)

I am grateful for having great friends, partner, teammates and a blog, haha, to just stay by me and waiting for me to tell the shit I am dealing with~ I will treasure all this, and save it deep down in my heart^^

Gravity? =(

Here I am again~ emo-ing~ I wonder why on earth do I torture myself like that~ U know wat? After I think of it~ Actually I really have no reason to be depressed but I do~ y the hell do I feel this way?
I keep having this feeling like the gravity is pulling me down~ Did I really handle things badly or is it just in my mind? Lets check~

Event~I should give jobs to my assistant to do which I did since I am the leader, they should sometimes make their own decision and give opinions as long as they tell or discuss with me which they did also, which is good~ nothing wrong here~ I did have some problem and nid to make some minor changes here and there but I manage to do so~ I am still in control I guess~ not bad~ Checked~

Exhibition~I did have some trouble with it at first because seems like a lot to do but "Usually" and I manage it quite well wat~ no sweat~ So this is still OK~ Checked~

Mid Term~ Although made some stupid mistake and somehow reading books feels like being force to read but it only consist of 10 out of hundred overall, I did get upset for awhile but fine now~ Just that I nid to have my rythm back in reading~ but overall~ still OK~checked

Assignment~Well...today did got a little shocked but still manage to handle it^^ As for the others~ planning on finishing it today and better send one more time the things that I have already sent just to be sure but if they didn't get it, they will ask wat, impossible no asking rite so this should means no problem^^ No sweat then^^ Checked~

Relationship~This is probably the biggest checked I will give^^ The only thing I can still give out a genuine smile =)

Friends~Maybe this is wat that is killing me~ I really treat him as a friend but recently I feel like I dnt know him anymore =( Even if my face didn't show anything, it feels like a piece of me went missing~ The fake smile of him feels like acid in my heart T-T Did I do smthg wrong? Sometimes I might say smthg not nice to hear but if u really think of it~ I just want to skip the unnecessary things so that everything can move faster~ Sometimes I might not talk in those polite way~ But have u notice? Have u ever notice that only when I really treat ppl as a friend, I cut down those polite ways of talking? Am I wrong? Is stating facts wrong? I am not trying to brag, just telling truth, is that wrong? Ppl prefer fake friends instead? =(
Even if I did something wrong, pls don't go away silently~ I am slow, I wont understand unless you tell me~ I keep on feeling that I have a lot of friends but in some class, I still sit alone and I still have to make an effort to communicate and if I don't, nobody talks to me~ I am so not nice to talk to huh? I wonder~ have they ever consider that this is a cruel thing to do to a person? Maybe it's my fault, I just go so depressed because the "he" is no longer the "he" I know =( Might of just pick out a long and sharp knife then step me in the heart~ Sigh~ U know wat? I give up~ I let go, maybe it's best for both of us, maybe I still might cry every now and then for a short period but I'll be fine~ "smile"~Checked~

That's it~ What is decided id decided~ suddenly feel like I can breath again~ maybe after I double check my assignment and finished what is left~ I will feel even lighter^^