Mistake?

I now nid a place to scream and blog seems perfect~ Recently facing a lot of stress, my family is not communicating with each other, my ptptn is still in trouble, I might not get to study anymore and the worse part is I got myself a partner... Maybe that girl was right of scolding me, this girl is someone I know a long time time back and I used to date her brother~ turns out that when u play too much at the past, the past really will come back to hunt u~ Maybe she is right, maybe I really dnt deserve love and maybe i will just end up breaking other's heart~

I thought I can change and stop breaking hearts and actually commit to someone, but she reminded me that I am just fooling myself~ I am not sure if I am really ready to commit but I am sure that I really really like my current gf a lot~ or maybe I should say ex gf since I just broke up with her yesterday~ I have never felt so safe and so comfortable with anyone else b4 and this scares me even more~ what if I really did something wrong to hurt her, I dnt deserved her love~ I keep my answer short when break with her to prevent myself from crying, stupid but effective~

I decided to be as cruel as possible to break up with her but my heart feels like dripping blood~ Did I made the right choice? Is this a wise decision? To go away b4 she sank too deep for me? I hope I did, better to hurt her now b4 she really falls for me and b4 she really do something that she will regret doing~

New Year~ Great start^^

This new year have a great start^^ I am happy and trusting someone again and I wont deny that I am scare to trust on this particular matter again but~I am glad that I took a chance^^ I am not just giving others a chance but to myself too~ Maybe my friend is right, I did change, and I like how I changed it^^ For the first time in may years, I feel happy not because of something that I had accomplished but because I have found the courage and willingness to let myself be vulnerable again^^

There is this guy, JH, he help me know that it's been a long time since I last sit quietly to see what is around me, the green tress, blue sea, and comfy breeze that I ignore for so long~and he also thought me a lot of important things too, he can make things seems so simple and logic; Everything move slow and calm when I am with him, I like it^^ it's a man for me to rest and think^^ He is very nice and a true gentleman^^ I hope that I can have this friend for as long as I could^^ He will always be a very important person in my heart and have a spot there that nobody can replace^^

Although having a friend like that is already a great start for the year, I found someone even more special~ I guess me that is called a kitty by friends is now examining a fish~ Ironic but true, This kitty here always go for logic path but this time it let itself jump into the the world of this particular fishy, hehe~ Let's just hope I don't drown in the process " cross finger" haha^^

Now u know y this is a great start huh, wish that everyone is happy and enjoying their life^^