Torturing Myself no more~

It's time for me to let go and move on^^ Just like that song from Raymond Lam, the song name is "Love Is Not Enough"~ I've been hearing this song from everywhere, by accident or just call it fate~ I dnt really believe in this kind of supernatural thingy, but this time~ It's not like I have any other higher power to go to~ Haha~

I like the song a lot since the first time I hear it, but I never really thought that it can be used on myself~ haha~ silly me~ I will just have to buried my true self for maybe just a little while longer than I expected and next time~ maybe I should just stick with the traditional way~ Thinking of going straight again~ and maybe I should have decided this a long time ago~ Or I should just go cut my hair to a cool style, change back to who I used to be^^ I think I will go with second choice better~ Great~ Decided~

I just want to be happy again~ Things should be simple~ If I cannot trust the signals and the feeling I get, maybe I should just ignored them from the beginning~

Never Ever~

I was trying not to be a "lock door", trying to find a key to open that "safe around my heart"~ Trying "to let ppl in"~ Big mistake~ Never ever going to do that again~

Never ever going to show anyone "the shape of my heart" again, this is the reason I put everything in logical order at the first place~ So that u won't get emotional attach to anything, so u won't have "leaking water" from ur eyes~ So ur heart wont become "mashed potato" and I just double the protection of my "safe", I never ever wanted to feel like "drowning from the inside" again~

Why choose to be so vulnerable? Why choose to put urself at the "edge of a cliff" ? Never ever doing that again, I am "locking" myself out~I am going back to where I was before, keeping myself safe~ Chained~

I just want to "hide", not letting anyone "find me"~ Nobody is coming anywhere near me~ Never ever letting ppl come close to me again~ Why do I even bother to try at the first place, Stupid!!!

I am sure~

This time I am sure I am ready^^ Ready for a relationship, because I no longer have the desire to date for fun and randomly pick someone because of bored... I think I have overcome my commitment issues and maybe it's time for me to test it out~ Just have to clear something up so that I can really go for it^^

Don't know since when, I became afraid of everything... Lately...things are going very smooth and everything is great...and that too scares me... My fear of loosing things seems to be preventing me from doing a lot but come and think of it, maybe this fear is a good thing as well...because this time I am sure that I really do care... It's been so long since I last really care for anything so deeply until I almost forgot how~ I am sure I can deal with this new feature of mine, haha~

I am sure that feeling things is not a bad thing, I will just have to figure out the manual myself on how to handle it^^ Although I wanted to say something but, something are better left unsaid^^