Meritorious?

"My life no longer feels like mine and my heart feels too full". The reaction from this phrase that came into my mind was this~ "WHAT?!?!" 

Ironically, I have no idea what was I thinking and why does this particular sentence came to me, but I know that it came from my very own thoughts, maybe even from my heart~ 

I know exactly what changed me for the past few months, I know that I was happier in some part of my life and I certainly are well aware of the warm I felt when in distress but I do realized that all these came from my consent and it will no longer applied if I were to flee~

My soul is like the morning air, cooling and friendly, my body is like a pile of clay, taking any forms that it can, my mind seems to be distorted  in order to descry LOVE, is it meritorious? I can't have an answer for that~

Will it cause me to trap to a beleaguered life? Will my senses kicks in when the magic substance called hormone no longer flooding my system? Who knows? Haha~

 

Meritoriousness blooms from within and in my case, no matter how distorted I think my life is,  endurance is certainly something I am willing to give =)

"My life no longer feels like mine and my heart feels too full", my understanding in this may not clamp to logic senses, but what I get was plain fear from the feeling of being gyved half way through the process, but the second part of the sentence let me know that I will be fine from what I am getting now, at least for NOW  ~^v^y

Still~

I saw her just now, talk a little bit, she seems to be doing great with her new bracelet and her face does look better =) I am glad that it all went well for her~ She is busy with her assignments and going to teach dance at gym room~

I still go through her profile, and her pictures when I miss her, it's beginning to be a habit of mine~ Became a STALKER now? haha~

Two days ago, a friend asked if I still feel for her and my answer surprised myself~ I answered YES, NEVER CHANGED~ Aren't I suppose to let it go already?

In my heart, I know that I LOVE HER, NEVER STOP~ I am happy just because I get to see her~ I don't want anything from her, I am satisfy just by seeing her once awhile I guess~
I have been changing a lot lately, unfortunately, in a bad way, and I am running away from my assignments, I wonder if last trimester, is this what she was feeling? So crash by assignment and social life and everything else? Yet, I am blind enough to not notice it ='(

I wonder when I dated that guy, did she feel jealous? Will she understand me well enough to know that I was just helping the guy from embarrassment? Or will she think that I have already move on? I hope that she knows but I wish that she will never know~ Let this be a secret and the pain on me alone =')

As long as she is happy~

I thought I had experience love previously~ but...haha~  I fall in love with someone I originally thought impossible~ but she responded =) I started to pursue her and after a month, she said YES~ I was unimaginably happy^^ She is perfect to me =* I also notice that her "friends" aren't sincere and her image is degraded by others =( I never care what others said, because what I see in her is pure beauty and unique quality that can approach me^^ I never knew being with someone could be so beautiful but~ she prove me wrong^^

I love her~ maybe even more than I love myself~ But I never knew it's actually stress to her~ What a fatal mistake that leads to a breakup, haha~ stupid me~ I never understand why two people who love each other can't be together~ but now I know =(

 I really fight for this relationship to work~ but all I really wanted was her happiness~ so I told her to stop thinking about coming back to me~ Each and every word I typed in that message is like a knife slicing through my heart~ But really~ as long as she is happy~ I can hide all these feelings away, she never have to know =')