Safe Space~

Sometimes when I don't know what to do and how to balance my emotion and my logic... I type~ So here goes... I don't exactly know what to type and most of the I even leave the topic space blank and only give it a name after I finished...

I believe that we have the answers for whatever problems we encounter... and I believe that we just have to find the way to unleash that answer, or in this case unleashing the methods to find the right key~ so the reason for this particular piece is to know what is going on with myself recently... because obviously, I seems to be experiencing fluctuation of emotions more than usual and I don't like myself this way...

I don't like having my best friend suddenly call me to tell me that she is downstairs waiting for me to open up the door for her when I didn't even know that she will be meeting with me... I don't like having things undone when I have already give out a clear instructions... I don't like it when things around me is a mess when I know that I need is just a bigger table with proper drawers... and I don't like having to explain my actions and I especially don't like it when I have to explain about what I am angry at... and I get angrier when I have to care about another person's feeling when I am already mad myself.... I also do not feel comfortable when my actions is causing another person to react when there shouldn't be any reaction...

I don't feel safe with myself because all I really wanna do is actually to punch someone and I know that this rage of me doesn't come in a short time... I am angry because deep down I know the reason I was angry is because all this small mistakes and small incidents all the time... I am angry because no matter what I do, all this small matters is not going to be solve... because I know what I needed to feel balance again is not here... I need to do what I like when I like it and don't have to explain to anyone... that's it, I need a getaway... I need someone new and different, someone that can teach me things and make me calm... at least this is what I feel now...

If I said something and the reaction I am getting is negative or I am listening something that is not involving in the thing I am talking about, I get furious, just because what I just said went into a wall that doesn't even give back the same echo...